Wednesday, April 4, 2011
Day 3 of Hyperbaric Dive
If the knowledge were given you,
but it is not given,
for the membrane is clouded
with self-deceptions
and the iridescent image swims
through a mirror that flows,
you would surprise yourself
in that other flesh,
heavy with milt,
bruised, battering toward the dam
that lips the orgiastic pool.
Come. Bathe in these waters.
Increase and die.
-STANLEY KUNITZ
King of the River
Day 4 of Hyperbaric Dive
Wait till you feel your own story like a dream,
like a possibility, and then
give it to the earth as an offering…
When we give ourselves to life,
life is impregnated with the future.
Life is longing to be opened,
to be made holy, to be redeemed…
You have arrived. There is nowhere else to go.
You are where you ought to be.
There is no future and no past in this moment.
Just give the seed of your own story to life;
Life will take your seed and place it in the heart of the world.
That is your offering.
That is all you can ever give.
Slowly the world will start to spin
on a new axis of love.
-LLEWELLYN VAUGHAN-LEE
The Face Before I Was Born
Thursday, April 7, 2011
The Queen of Death is cackling in the corner. “I’ve got my eye on you, my pretty! You’re coming with me!” she declares imperiously. I turn to look and find an appalling hag staring back at me with wild, searing eyes, matted hair, a wart-covered face, and a bony finger pointing my way.
Can’t she just leave me alone? I mean, I’ve done my time in the Underworld. I’m no stranger to annihilation. Why can’t I just feel exuberant and playful, like I did yesterday? Instead, I feel like a hag myself, with spirals of grey, unruly hair taking over my dark tresses, shadowy circles under my eyes, and a red, angry pimple oozing oil onto my left cheek. Someone wake me when this is over! I’m not ready to be a Crone yet, despite what I’ve been telling myself lately. Sure, I’ll take the Crone’s wisdom and depth, but do I have to sacrifice my Beauty forever?
I turn to face to this unwelcome Queen of Death, my determined gaze meeting hers. “OK,” I relent. “I’m here. What do you want with me?”
“Now that’s more like it, “ the Queen declares with relief. I knew you’d come around. Did you really think this healing journey could happen without ME? I know what you really need, although it may be a bitter pill you'll want to spit out. You need to be FIERCE! You need to take life by the balls! Or the ovaries, if you want to be politically correct. Yes, yes, I know what you went through when you were a kid, how you collapsed in the face of so many violations, crumbled from so much neglect. I have compassion for you, I do. You had no one to protect you, and you were afraid. But I tell you now, if you don’t claim your SPITFIRE, you’ll never make it! Stop trying to be the good Jewish wife. I did not bring you here to be a balabuster! Remember whom you serve! You have a fire that is incandescent. You light up the world when you are creative, and when you are courageous in sharing your real self. You bring a fierce Beauty to the world. Forget about what other people think! I’ll take care of you, and don’t worry, you may feel like a crone at 49, but if you listen to me, and heed my words, you’ll get radiant and juicy again!”
I bow my head in recognition, tears streaming down my face. So many shards of my false self need to fall away…ancient fortresses of fear and contraction, arrogant edges of criticism and control. I have seen how they suck the life force out of me. They serve me no longer.
Oh, Queen of Death, please stay by my side on this healing journey. Whisper in my ear if I forget. I welcome your fierce wisdom. I see Beauty in your decay, and surrender to your dark dismantling…
The Queen of Death snickers with glee. She knows I’m Her devoted daughter now. She takes my hands and pulls me into her bony embrace. No longer am I afraid to look at Her, this omnipotent Mother of death and resurrection.
In the shadow is the earth
In the shadow is our mother
In the shadow is our relationship
with the earth
and the energy of the earth
in the harmony of the earth.
In the shadow is the rhythm
of the seasons
and the growing which is natural.
...In there, in the shadow,
There is the healing.
There is the unfolding
that will bring the two together.
The mystical marriage,
the marriage of masculine and feminine,
the conscious and unconscious.
The innocence of the shadow,
the purity of the shadow,
is our own deeper self.
-LLEWELLYN VAUGHAN-LEE
For more information on the work of Sufi teacher Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, please visit www.GoldenSufi.org and WorkingwithOneness.org
“Solutio III” and “Alchemical Gold I,” 4x6” collages on paper from The Oracle of Alchemy, ©2006-2011 by Colette de Gagnier. To order prints from this series, please visit Alchemy of the Divine and Colette's Visionary Art Gallery.
